Calculon

"Oh, fate most cruel, would that my boundless acting skills would avail mе a sword with which to slay this wretched curse."

―Calculon

"Let's kick him some more."

―Bender

"No, wait, let me explain"

―Calculon^[source]

"Dramatic pause."

―Calculon's catchphrase

"Hey, this one's for the new couple. It's your day. It's all about you. Who's that singing at your wedding? It's Calculon, Calculon, Calculon!"

―Calculon

Antonio Calculon, Sr, better known as Calculon (1960-3012) and Calculon 2.0 (circa 3013 [Exact date unknown]), is a recurring character on Futurama.

History[]

Creation[]

He was a robot actor and celebrity, created sometime before the year 1960 - for a while, he was known as David Duchovny, and then later on as a car manufacturing robot known as Calculon 1.0, who was used on the military mission to manufacture the most evil car ever from evil automobile parts - otherwise known as Project Satan. Upon its final construction, Project Satan attacked Calculon, turning him into a Were-car.

In the centuries since becoming a were-car, Calculon changed his identity and upgraded his appearance to avoid suspicion. Other names he has been known by include: Acting Unit 0.8, Thespo-mat, and David Duchovny.^[1] He was also given his "Un-holy acting talent" from the Robot Devil.^[2] It is unknown what he exchanged for this talent, if he exchanged anything at all for it.

Calculon was brutally clamped during the episode "The Silence of the Clamps" by Clamps, due to his inability to pay the Donbot back a loan.

Acting Career[]

Calculon is a celebrated actor in his current form, and has appeared on Late Night With Humorbot 5.0^[3] and was a judge at the Miss Universe Pageant.^[4]

Television[]

Calculon stars in All My Circuits, a robot-soap opera in which most of the characters are robots, though some humans make appearances from time to time. In the show, he is married to a fembot named Monique and has a son named Antonio Calculon, Jr..

Film[]

Calculon was nominated for an Oscar for his performance in The Magnificent Three, written by Harold Zoid, but didn't win.^[5] He also starred in the film adaptation for the television program that made him famous, All My Circuits: The Movie.^[6] Calculon starred in the film dedicated to his soon-to-be wife, Coilette, as well.

Personality[]

Abilities[]

Relationships[]

Family[]

So, far, Calculon has never mentioned his family like: his parents, brothers, sisters, grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins nor any nieces or nephews. As far we know Calculon is the one and only robot of his kind.

Even though Calculon was made at Mom’s Corp, he never once mentioned about his human parent(s). Therefore he never got a chance to meet the one(s) who designed him, assembled him and brought him to life.

It’s been revealed in the episode “Thief of Baghead”, Calculon had meaningless sex with a bunch of fem-bots and purposely impregnating them, so, he can beat his rival Langdon Cobb in who has the most paternity suits (though he does regrets it). Calculon shows he wants nothing to do with the kids and doesn’t see them as family, since, they are not the kids he conceived with Coilette.

Coilette[]

Is Calculon’s “late” fiancée, she would’ve become his wife and his first family member.

Friends[]

Coilette[]

was Calculon’s first and true friend he ever had.

Leela[]

Romance[]

Calculon (left) and Bender *alias* Coilette (right)

Coilette[]

After changing his gender and identity to Coilette so that he could participate in the Female Robot Olympics, Bender became romantically involved with Calculon. After becoming engaged to Calculon, Coilette "died" during their wedding, thereby ending their relationship.^[7]

After Coilette’s “death” it looked like Calculon had completely forgotten about her and moved on with his life, even though this is hinted of what he’s going through is called grief delayed. It’s been hinted that he dated his co-star Monique. At first Calculon looked really happy, not showing any signs of missing Coilette not until episode “ Thief of Baghead”during the acting competition when he performed Romeo’s suicide scene as he was holding the female doll plush and in that moment Calculon immediately remembered Coilette and realizing that she’s gone. Calculon’s heartbreak expression said it all he doesn’t want to win the acting competition anymore as he already lost the best award in his life but doesn’t want to live anymore without her and thus he drinks the poison, dies hoping to join Coilette in the afterlife.

In "Calculon 2.0" we see in his suitcase he had a photo of Coilette showing he still loved her and wishing that she was with him right now in his time of need.

Enemies/Rivals[]

Bender[]

Bender is also Calculon's official stalker and hot water heater.^[8]

Langdon Cobb[]

Others[]

Monique[]

In the beginning there wasn’t that much interaction between Monique and Calculon outside of work and only see each other as co workers of the popular soap opera, they both star in and nothing more.

But sometime after Coilette’s “death”, it’s been hinted in the first film “Bender’s Big Score” during Lars’s funeral, then later on in the second and fourth film along with the Comedy Central series and the comic book series as well in the Futurama and The Simpsons crossover comic book, Calculon and Monique were in a relationship but their relationship was mostly seen in the background. They can be seen with/sitting next to each other, Monique can be seen putting her hands and arms on Calculon multiple times but in a more of an affectionate way she can be seen so happy to be with Calculon and as for Calculon sometimes he can be seen putting his arms around her as well in the comics but unfortunately he doesn’t seem to be showing any signs of affection towards her at all.

It seems the relationship didn’t work out as there were subtle hints that Calculon has become emotional distance from Monique. In some of the comic books when Calculon puts his arms around Monique and “would” say such sweet and romantic words to her but unfortunately those words were actually from the script for an episode of “All My Circuits” that he memorized and they were not meant for her, both Calculon and Monique don’t always go to the same place together like in the episode The Mutants Revolt episode both attended different events Calculon attended Mrs. Astor’s fundraiser event and Monique attended Bender’s 100th Delivery party. This also hinting that Calculon is not in love or sexually attracted to Monique to begin with; he was just using her for romantic comfort on the count of she’s a celebrity just like Coilette who was an athlete celebrity.

It’s also been revealed in the episode “The Thief of Baghead” he cheated on Monique multiple times with multiple fem-bots (though just like Monique he doesn’t have any deep feelings or sexually attracted to them as well) he used other fem-bots for sexual comfort and the only reason why Calculon slept with other women is because he’s trying to compete against his rival Langdon Cobb in who has more paternity suits.

It’s safe to say that maybe Monique may have dumped Calculon in mid of the episode “The thief of Baghead” or dumped him when he died or Calculon might’ve been the one who dumped Monique before the acting competition.

In the episode “Calculon 2.0”, as she shows no signs of missing Calculon and even in death she insulted him in the latest episode of “All My Circuits” by calling him “my old ugly husband” hinting that she’s still mad at him for using her, cheating on her and he was still thinking of Coilette, during their relationship.

However, after witnessing Calculon’s amazing acting, she can be seen sniffling, as she is touched by his grief “acting”. It’s unknown if she is sad about his second death.

After the first episode of Hulu’s season, it shows us that both Calculon and Monique are seen still working with each other and Calculon managed to save Monique from the explosion (that he caused, he is trying to not only to show that he’s sorry for how he treated Monique back then when he was in a relationship with her but secretly he is trying to make up for not protecting Coilette on their wedding day) Both robots are showing that they are now in good terms?

But so far as two seasons from Hulu had passed, Calculon is showing no signs of interest on getting back together with Monique. But Monique might be showing she is little interest in getting back together with him or she is still thinking that they are still together.

Fry[]

Boxy[]

The Human actor[]

Death[]

Calculon died tragically in the world acting championship, poisoning himself to increase the realism of poisoning himself in the death scene of Romeo & Juliet. Despite his imbibement of the deadliest poison known to robots (food coloring), he still lost the competition to legendary actor Langdon Cobb. He did not live to learn of his defeat.^[9]

The Planet Express crew brought Calculon back from the dead (through "science") in "Calculon 2.0" so he could star in All My Circuits again. During this time, Calculon's robot ghost ended up in Robot Hell, where he repeatedly annoyed the Robot Devil with his annoying rants of his acting career, to the point that the latter quickly allowed the Planet Express Crew to resurrect him. However, because of his replacement's popularity, Calculon was considered outdated. He tried to make it big by starring in his own one-man play, but failed because of how boring it was. In the end, however, the Planet Express team did manage to get him a small role on All My Circuits, though he was forced to do a second take (due to his self-impressed attitude getting in the way). During the second take, his acting was believable, and he received a round of applause. Calculon refused to bow, however, believing he didn't deserve it. Leela insisted, and Calculon took a bow. Unfortunately, the noose he put up for the scene fell, bringing some of the lights down, almost killing Calculon, before the walkway fell onto the robot actor, killing him a second time. In his memory, they put back Calculon's star on the Walk of Fame, and his soul was returned to Robot Hell (much to the Robot Devil's dismay). Watching from a television, Calculon was pleased to see this death brought him the recognition he yearned for.

He was subsequently resurrected again in "The Impossible Stream", due to being needed for the revival of various TV series. The Robot Devil was quite pleased to eject him, stating there would be no take backs.

Trivia[]

Calculon considers it a great insult to do second takes when filming, as he perceives himself and his acting to be perfect. Therefore, he refuses to do second takes for his television show, All My Circuits. This is likely why most scenes seem unfinished.
At one point, Calculon was trying out directing.
In "The Devil's Hands Are Idle Playthings", it was hinted at that Calculon got his acting skills from a deal with the robot devil.
so far right now Calculon doesn’t have a last name.
After Calculon’s death the shows producers would use some of Calculon’s voice recordings.
After Coilette’s “death” Calculon tried to follow the footsteps of Bender, by dating other fem-bots and enjoying being a playboy but it looks like it’s not working for him.
Calculon didn’t start missing Coilette until the Comedy Central series.
It’s been revealed in the second film that Calculon now goes to sleep in a bed and wearing pajamas as well.
Of all people, he hates Langdon Cobb the most.
In the second film, Calculon may have been secretly depressed after Coilette’s death, that caused him to not drink any alcohol to stay sober the he ran over the Judge White some time prior to The Beast with a Billion Backs, and was sentenced to community service. Calculon’s might’ve been reversed alcoholic, when he was driving.
Calculon does have a running gag in the series is that he keeps forgetting the names of those whom he’s met or doesn’t remember them at all and these are individuals who are not famous or important, another celebrity, royalty, or wealthy or even if they annoy him.
- But Calculon does remember those who do love him and/or care about him or has helped him and they are: Coilette and Leela.
- Calculon now finally remembers who Bender is but the latter hates him.
In the episode “Silence of the Clamps”, Calculon seems to be having trouble with money as he begged Don Bot to give him more time to pay him back as soon he lends him more money. This probably for his many paternity suits.
In the episode “That’s Lobstertaintment” Calculon is showing signs that he has anger issues.
Calculon gave Coilette a pet name: Smoochie Pops.
Coilette was Calculon’s first and only friend.
Calculon’s sexual orientation is shown to both be bi-sexual and robo-sexual but he is showing a lot more signs of being single target-sexuality as in he’s only deeply in love and sexually attracted to Coilette in other words he’s Coilette-sexual.
- Calculon is the fourth character to be single target-sexuality, the other three are Fry, Leela and Kif.
In the episode “ The Honking”, Calculon can be seen wearing green outfit in his dressing room. Wearing green in a dressing room is considered to be bad luck, especially before doing a stage performance.
He has his own sauce, "Calculon's BBQ Grease". ("I Second That Emotion")
Calculon seems to enjoy drinking tea as seen “ That’s Lobstertaintment”.
Calculon died in Season 7, revived and died in the same season, however he was later revived in Season 11 and remains being alive.
In “I know what you did next X- Mas”, this the very first time Calculon has ever appeared in a Christmas episode.
So far we haven’t seen Calculon’s were-car form in person or in flashbacks and it’s unknown if he will turn into a were-car in a future episode by Hulu.
In the episode “Attack of the Clothes” Calculon is seen using his eyePhone for the first time.
Whenever Calculon is in the Planet Express headquarters, the only room he is seen the most is the main living room with the tv, the very same room where he proposed to Coilette. He’s been in the main living room at least three times:
- The first time is the episode “Bend Her”
- The second time in episode “Calculon 2.0”
- The third time in episode “The Impossible Streaming”.
  - In “Calculon 2.0”, even though Calculon has no where else to go or a place to call home he can still be seen leaving the headquarters as he cannot bare to live in the same building. Where Coilette is no longer working and would be very painful for him to stay.
  - It is unknown how Calculon reacted in the “The Impossible Streaming”, where once again he is in the same living room, especially he might’ve remembered why he wanted to die to begin with in the first place.
Calculon is the complete opposite of Bender, especially when it comes to having a love interest:
- Calculon is more devoted, he can’t move on and he does want to get married and Bender isn’t the settling down type, he moves on from previous relationships and is disloyal.
Calculon, is so far to be the only robot/character who keeps on observing other individuals or items.
Calculon is the third oldest character after Fry whom is the second oldest after Nibbler who is way older.
Calculon is shown not to be drinking that much, even though the robots in this show need alcohol in order to stay sober. Calculon is hinting to be a reversed alcoholic.
The bouquet of puppies Calculon gave to Coilette are not only a gift for her but it seems that he’s also trying to show her whom he really is as the puppies represents his personality.
- As dogs and puppies symbolized: loyalty, honestly, fidelity, very affectionate, faithfulness, kindness, selflessness, awareness, concern, and devotion. Which of course Calculon is all of that when he’s with Coilette.
Calculon is a gold plated robot; gold is the birth metal of the zodiac sign Leo and Leo’s ruling planet is the sun. The sun is the biggest star in the galaxy.
In the episode “Silence of the Clamps”, Calculon can be seen in the center of the arch of flowers and he can be seen doing a certain pose. A pose that a groom would do when he is waiting for his bride. It looked like Calculon is waiting for her to appear.
It is hinted that Calculon has not received his remote control to his heart. The last person to have it was Coilette.
Calculon’s name can be seen in The Wheel of Robots.
In the episode “The Thief of Baghead”. During the acting competition between Calculon and Langdon, the Comedy & Tragedy can be seen everywhere, the comedy mask is seen to be on top of the tragedy mask. This is a metaphor of what Calculon is going through before meeting and after losing Coilette. He is always seen so happy on the outside but on the inside he’s depressed and lonely.
In the first episode of the Hulu series “The impossible streaming” , where Calculon can be seen; helping, saving, and protecting the female characters: he continues to help Leela with getting Fry out of the chair, he can also be seen protecting and saving Monique from the explosion (even though he was the one whom caused the fire). This clearly showing us that Calculon is trying to make up for not; helping, saving and protecting Coilette, This could be his coping mechanism for his failure on his wedding day.
During in the Comedy Central seasons and the comics there are subtle hints that Calculon indeed missed Coilette, it’s just that grief delayed had him in denial:
- In his show “All My Circuits” had stopped making wedding episodes. Possibly to due what happened with Coilette and Calculon might’ve formed PTSD (even though in the Hulu did release is a wedding episode) but Calculon refuses to be at the altar even if it is pretend.
- Not just pretend weddings he doesn’t want to get involved with real weddings as well, like in the episode “Silence of the Clamps”, where Calculon is possibly forced to attend the Donbot’s oldest daughter’s wedding. During the Space Pope’s introduction of Calculon’s performance for the newly wed couple and you can see he isn’t looking at the newly wedded couple for only about until he’s been given the microphone and looked at the new couple for about fifteen seconds then he looked away from the bride and groom as he goes singing towards the women instead.
  - The reason why he didn’t sing to them it’s not because he wants the attention. No, It’s because he’s still hurt and saddened on what happened at his wedding day; looking at the bride reminds him of Coilette hurts him so much; upset that he and Coilette never become husband and wife but most importantly it reminds him the day he lost the love of his life.
- After her “death”, Calculon tried a new relationship with his co-star Monique but he couldn’t bring himself to fallen in love or sexually attracted to Monique or anyone else since then. It’s been hinted that he has and still has emotion distance. It’s also been hinted that he’s only using Monique for romantic comfort after losing Coilette.
  - When Calculon was in relationship with Monique he can be seen putting his arms around her but he never shown any affection or being flirtatious towards her or giving her a pet name. But he did all those cute and sweet things for Coilette only.
- It’s been hinted in the episode “The Thief of Baghead” that Calculon’s been having meaningless sex with other fem-bots not only to impregnate them on purposely to compete his rival but to letting out all his anger and frustration out on to these fem-bots, since he never had the chance to have intimacy with Coilette.
- In the episode “The Thief of Baghead” after Calculon told Leela and Bender that he will drink the food coloring poison and really die from it, Bender tried to protest the idea but Calculon replies “I’m a celebrity, I can kill anyone I want!”, this clearly another hint that he’s still frustrated and anger after what happened to Coilette.
- Calculon has sexual yearning for Coilette.
- Calculon is Coilette-sexual.
- Calculon wanted to end his life after losing Coilette.
- After losing Coilette, Calculon would do dumb, stupid and dangerous hobbies like: enhancing male parts to him, driving under the influence and running over a judge.
- In the second film “The Beast with a billion backs”, Calculon now sleeps at night, in the episode “Bend Her”, he did said doesn’t need to do that since he’s a robot. It could be a hinting that he hopes Coilette would visit him in his dreams. But since Coilette is no longer with him, Calculon has nothing to do at night.
- In the episode “Thief of Baghead”, when Calculon is performing Romeo’s suicide scene from “Romeo & Juliet. You can hear the sadness in his voice as he recites Romeo’s lines along this is clearly a metaphor of how he feels about Coilette’s tragic “death” and the plush doll is clearly paralleling Coilette as the doll is wearing a purple dress and having brown hair just like Coilette when Calculon first met her. Calculon’s suicide and Coilette still being alive but “dies” for real as Bender turns back to his real gender; which is a paralleling both Romeo’s suicide and Juliet being alive this entire time and her real tragic death.
- In Calculon 2.0, as Calculon was packing his belongings into his suitcase, there in the upper portion of his suitcase is a headshot picture of Coilette. Poor Calculon wishing Coilette was with him after getting fired and the world sees him as a talentless loser.
- In the first episode by Hulu, Calculon can be seen helping, saving, and protecting female characters, but he’s not doing it for them he’s doing it for Coilette to make up for failing to do all those three things for her on their wedding day.
  - But Calculon will realize this; no matter how many women he’s going to help and save it’s never going to bring back the one he failed to save to begin with.
During both of the three films by Fox studio and Comedy Central release Calculon is seen either getting hurt, beaten, crushed, exploding or almost dying these were subtle hints that he was going to die. This all started after his final date with Coilette on a hot air balloon ride, Calculon said this to her “Coilette, if I weren't able to spend my life with you I would leap from this very balloon.” As well from a deleted scene “ Yes. Death alone can release me from the pain of an existence, without you.” This is the first foreshadowing of Calculon wanting to commit suicide, after losing Coilette.
- Which of course he finally did commit suicide in the episode “The Baghead Thief”, when he performed the death scene of Romeo & Juliet.
Calculon is one of the few non-primary characters who appear in every film.
He owned a big house in Hollywood.
He owned an enormous yacht named "Calculon's Talent" in the pool of which he sails a large yacht named "Calculon's Pride".
He enjoyed hot showers.
He tended to see life as a huge soap opera.
Bender once worked as his hot water boiler in Hollywood.
Bender was also his Official Stalker at one point.
He states explicitly in Into the Wild Green Yonder that his operating system is Windows Vista, and hence encounters an error in his programming seconds later.
- This suggests that his OS had remained the same since his days as an assembly arm to death, which would date his assembly between 2007 and 2009 when Vista was the current Windows OS. Moreover as Project Satan is a military project and the US Army switched to Vista in 2009and with Windows 7's release, it is likely his assembly was in 2009 making his age 1016. Fans are further befuddled because of the television broadcast of Into the Wild Green Yonder, where the mention of Windows Vista was edited to say Windows 7.
Calculon is featured on a Pez dispenser that Bender once stole.stole.
He was seen getting plastic surgery done to enhance his male parts.
Calculon's acting style appears to be based heavily on that of the late real-life actor Charlton Heston.
Seeing as when he was killed during his performance against Langdon Cobb and was in hell ever since, Calculon either had the same missing part as Bender, in regards to immortality through body replacement, or since he is over 1000 years old it is possible that he was simply built before that was commonplace for robots.

Culture References[]

Calculon shares many similarities with Pearl a character from Cartoon Network’s animated series “Steven Universe”:
- Both characters are deeply in love with a beautiful woman.
- Both have shown to have an obsession for this certain woman.
- Both characters are in love with this certain woman is because both Coilette and Rose Quartz see these characters as more than just what they are designed or programmed to be: Calculon a celebrity and Pearl a servant and both women gave them kindness, caring, love, attention, affection, recognition and inspiration.
- Both Calculon and Pearl are in love with a persona that are made up by the real individuals: Bender and Pink Diamond.
- Both don’t like other individuals flirting their love interest.
- Both Calculon and Pearl have unrequited love for Coilette and Rose Quartz.
- Both characters are deeply upset of losing their love interest and misses her very badly.
- Both characters have remained single after she died.
- Both Calculon and Pearl can attract other females but neither of the latter aren’t interested.
- Both characters have hinted to having coping mechanism after their love interest are gone.
- Both characters have formed PTSD after the death of their love interest .
- Both characters had lost the love of their life.
- It’s unknown if Calculon will have his own version of Pearl’s popular song “It’s over, isn’t it”.
If you had paid attention like in the background Calculon can be seen either doing something like his relationship with Monique or he can be seen observing either individuals, events or on items or something catches his attention. This very similar with Stanley Pines from “Gravity Falls” who can be seen in the background sometimes doing something or retrieving certain objects/items or observing things but in secret which will help him bring back a lost family member.