Calculon

"Oh, fate most cruel, would that my boundless acting skills would avail mе a sword with which to slay this wretched curse."

―Calculon

"Let's kick him some more."

―Bender

"No, wait, let me explain"

―Calculon^[source]

"Dramatic pause."

―Calculon's catchphrase

"Hey, this one's for the new couple. It's your day. It's all about you. Who's that singing at your wedding? It's Calculon, Calculon, Calculon!"

―Calculon

Antonio Calculon, Sr, better known as Calculon (1960-3012) and Calculon 2.0 (circa 3013 [Exact date unknown]), was a recurring character on Futurama. He was a robot actor and celebrity, created sometime before the year 1960 - for a while, he was known as David Duchovney, and then later on as a car manufacturing robot known as Calculon 1.0, who was used on the military mission to manufacture the most evil car ever from evil automobile parts - otherwise known as Project Satan. Upon its final construction, Project Satan attacked Calculon, turning him into a Were-car.

In the centuries since becoming a were-car, Calculon changed his identity and upgraded his appearance to avoid suspicion. Other names he has been known by include: Acting Unit 0.8, Thespo-mat, and David Duchovny.^[1] He was also given his "Un-holy acting talent" from the Robot Devil.^[2] It is unknown what he exchanged for this talent, if he exchanged anything at all for it.

Calculon was brutally clamped during the episode "The Silence of the Clamps" by Clamps, due to his inability to pay the Donbot back a loan. He died in a reenactment of Romeo and Juliet in a battle against experienced actor, Langdon Cobb, when he commits suicide by drinking a bottle of food coloring and water in front of a live audience (food coloring is the most poisonous substance known to robots).^[3]

Acting Career

Calculon is a celebrated actor in his current form, and has appeared on Late Night With Humorbot 5.0^[4] and was a judge at the Miss Universe Pageant.^[5]

Television

Calculon stars in All My Circuits, a robot-soap opera in which most of the characters are robots, though some humans make appearances from time to time. In the show, he is married to a fembot named Monique and has a son named Antonio Calculon.

Film

Calculon was nominated for an Oscar for his performance in The Magnificent Three, written by Harold Zoid, but didn't win.^[6] He also starred in the film adaptation for the television program that made him famous, All My Circuits: The Movie.^[7] Calculon starred in the film dedicated to his soon-to-be wife, Coilette, as well.

Relationships

Calculon (left) and Bender *alias* Coilette (right)

With Bender/Coilette

After changing his gender and identity to Coilette so that he could participate in the Female Robot Olympics, Bender became romantically involved with Calculon. After becoming engaged to Calculon, Coilette "died" during their wedding, thereby ending their relationship.^[8]

Bender is also Calculon's official stalker and hot water heater.^[9]

In "Calculon 2.0" we see in his suitcase he had a photo of Coilette showing he still loved her.

Death

Calculon died tragically in the world acting championship, poisoning himself to increase the realism of poisoning himself in the death scene of Romeo & Juliet. Despite his imbibement of the most deadly poison known to robots (food coloring), he still lost the competition to legendary actor Langdon Cobb. He did not live to learn of his defeat.

The Planet Express crew brought Calculon back from the dead (through "science") in "Calculon 2.0" so he could star in All My Circuits again. However, because of his replacement's popularity, Calculon was considered outdated. He tried to make it big by starring in his own one-man play, but failed because of how boring it was. In the end, however, the Planet Express team did manage to get him a small role on All My Circuits, though he was forced to do a second take (due to his self-impressed attitude getting in the way). During the second take, his acting was believable, and he received a round of applause. Calculon refused to bow, however, believing he didn't deserve it. Leela insisted, and Calculon took a bow. Unfortunately, the noose he put up for the scene fell, bringing some of the lights down, almost killing Calculon, before the walkway fell onto the robot actor, killing him a second time. In his memory, they put back Calculon's star on the Walk of Fame, and his soul was returned to Robot Hell (much to the Robot Devil's dismay).

Trivia

Calculon considers it a great insult to do second takes when filming, as he perceives himself and his acting to be perfect. Therefore, he refuses to do second takes for his television show, All My Circuits. This is likely why most scenes seem unfinished.
At one point, Calculon was trying out directing.
In "The Devil's Hands Are Idle Playthings", it was hinted at that Calculon got his acting skills from a deal with the robot devil.
Of all people, he hates Langdon Cobb the most.
He has his own sauce, "Calculon's BBQ Grease". ("I Second That Emotion")