- Calculon: Wearing a costume, pretending to be someone else; it goes against my every instinct as an actor...
- Robot Devil: You know, Hell used to be a nice place before you got here!
- Hermes: Seriously, this could not seem less scientific.
- Mayor Poopenmeyer: Calculon was truly the has-been's has-been. And so I am proud to tear up his star and replace it with a second star for the fabulous Robert Wagner.
- Robert Wagner's head: Thank you. Thank you. Thank you very much. This is truly another honor.
- Fry: (comforting Calculon on his poor notices) Not entirely. I mean, "Worst play in history" - there's some ambiguity there.