• Leela: "They say Zapp Brannigan single-handedly saved the Octillion system from a horde of rampaging killbots!"
    Fry: "Wow."
    Bender: "A grim day for Robotkind. Eh, but we can always build more killbots."

  • Fry: "I heard one time you single-handedly defeated a horde of rampaging somethings in the something something system"
    Brannigan: "Killbots? A trifle. It was simply a matter of outsmarting them."
    Fry: "Wow, I never would've thought of that."
    Brannigan: "You see, killbots have a preset kill limit. Knowing their weakness, I sent wave after wave of my own men at them until they reached their limit and shut down. Kif, show them the medal I won."

  • Brannigan: "As my protege, you should know that the only way to deal with a female adversary is to seduce her."
    Kif: [sighs]
    Brannigan: "This time we are sure she's a woman, right?"
    Kif: [exasperated] "Yes!"

  • Brannigan: "You look like a woman who enjoys the finer things. Come over here and feel my velour bedspread."
    Leela: "I'm not really in the mood."
    Brannigan: "Leela, it's real velour. Just let yourself go."

  • Leela: "Look, last night was a mistake."
    Brannigan: "A sexy mistake."
    Leela: "No, a regular mistake."

  • Brannigan: "In the game of chess you can never let your adversary see your pieces."