Fry: "I'm gonna get you so many lizards!"

Zoidberg: "Amy, this is for you: A set of combs for your beautiful hair."
Amy: "Oh, that's so sweet. But I sold my hair to a wigmaker so I could buy a set of combs for Hermes"
[She pulls her hat off revealing she is bald.]
Hermes: "Oh, the irony. I sold my hair so I could buy this third set of combs for Zoidberg."
Zoidberg: "Thank you. These'll come in handy for my new hair. Finally I look as pretty as I feel!"
[He pulls his hat off. Half of his head is covered by Hermes' dreadlocks, the other half with Amy's hair]

Zoidberg: "A pogo stick! Weeeeeeeeee!"

Robot Santa Claus: "As for the rest of you, I'm going to tear your skin like wrapping paper and deck the halls with your guts.

Dr. Farnsworth: Oh dear, they'll be killed on our doorstep! And there's no trash pickup 'til January 3rd!""

Hermes hands Bender a bunch of X-mas cards
Bender: Yes! I got the most! I win X-mas!

Fry: There's this girl who I really like, but she thinks I'm a jerk. Can you help me?
Salesclerk: Yeah, there's a suicide booth in the food court. But there's a line this time of year.

Robot Santa Claus: Your mistletoe is no match for my T.O.W. missile.

Bad Santa: you have been very naughty Fry and Leela.

[later when Bender comes with alcohol and booze with the orphan]

Bender: oh boy, Santa!

Bad Santa: you have been very naughty Bender.

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